I am sorry.
To My Family in Texas: I moved away a long time ago because I could not cope with my life there. I found alternatives, and as my addiction comes full circle, I have choices to make. I will always love yall, but I just don't fit in there anymore.
To My Children: Daddy loves you, and I know I am scary sometimes, but I love you very much. If you have ever read this, know that sometimes I am more aware than others. As I try to improve my life through these words, I hope you find something useful for your own life.
To my Wife Christine: I have no words for the scars I have put on you. Physical harm to you and your mind is why this exists. I pray that I find the strength to love you the way you need my love through these words.
It has been a long time since I lost her the way I have today. I think that mistakes we make in life never really go away. As a child, my mother told me that you could be remorseful for something, and the people you hurt might excuse the behavior. The issue with that statement is that it was when I was a child. I do not trust many things from my childhood.
This story ends the same way it started. There once was a broken man named Travis. The importance of the name will come into play later on if the story continues. For now, we will leave it as just a name. So let me start with the reason you are reading this.
1. I was not ok when I wrote this.
2. I deserve this emotion. Instead of attacking anyone or taking my frustration out on things I love, I chose to type the feelings out. The intention behind this is that one day my family will read this. I choose words to sort out my head. Everything I type here expresses my emotions and perception of the world I have lived in my entire life. Today is the most challenging day of my life as I admit that I have either forgotten or do not understand what love is, and my perception of this has been flawed for years. What hurts the most is I am not looking forward to continuing this book. I only write because I need to. I pray that I do not need this outlet one day as I work on my own life. I will start with apologies for my sanity to provide direction for myself. I am not an ordinary person, and to understand why you will have to come on this ride with me into my mind. This blog will not be quick, and this will go on for however long I need it. For right now, Let’s start at
Looking back on my life, I do not remember much.